Heaven
by annastern2009
Summary: The empty beer bottle made a muted ‘thud’ as Tango placed it down on the table in front of his couch.." -- A look into Tango's mind and what has brought him to this place. Tango/Steve. Dave Tango and Steve Gonsalves.


AN: I was listening to When Your Gone, and the voice in my head started to think. This is what he came up with. I don't own Ghost Hunters, Dave Tango, or Steve Gonsalves, I just love them all so much. Thanks to my Beta-Reader, Liz from PSRPG

The empty beer bottle made a muted 'thud' as Tango placed it down on the table in front of his couch, his already fuzzy mind only worse thanks to the alcohol. It seemed that was his constant state now a day: either drunk, refusing to get out of bed, or purely quiet when he was dragged from his house. He didn't want to talk to anyone; he didn't want to see anyone. Why couldn't anyone understand that? He had recently watched the love of his life walk out of his door. He wasn't ready to be out and about just yet. He wanted to sulk, he wanted to be alone, and he wanted to let the hole where his heart used to be fester and burn.

* * *

_One Week Ago_

_Tango looked over at Steve on the couch, sitting on the floor not far from his boyfriend. Life had been great for the last month, and he couldn't see an ending in the future. They spent all day together, and all night curled up on the bed just holding each other. It was like he had been given heaven early, and the angel he was able to hold belonged just to him. "Hey Steve?" His eyes stayed on the male as he turned, raising an eyebrow at him. God, that little movement sent shivers down his spine, his stomach flopping. What could happen to him with a single glance scared the crap out of him. "__I love you." The smile that came over Steve's face made his own lips pull into a similar smile. Being able to say those words meant everything to him._

_"I love you too, Tango." _

_Those were the only words that could make him feel like he was flying. _

* * *

As if on cue, the aching came back to his mind. He wrapped his arms around his chest as he closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to stop hurting, and stop being in pain. He wanted to hate Steve for what he did… and yet, he continued to love him. He wanted to call the male and scream at him, to tell him that he had once again been a jackass and that he couldn't believe what he had done… yet again; he wanted to call him just to hear his voice, to know that his own personal angel was still out there somewhere. A small groan left his lips as he turned, curling up on his side on the couch, his legs pulling up to his chest. "Make it stop…"

Tango knew that as often as he begged, though, the hole in his chest wouldn't go away. He expected the pain at this point, and in way, he welcomed it. It meant that at least the last five weeks had been real, no matter the outcome. It was hard to always have that outlook, though. He thought everything had been perfect, and yet here he was, all by himself. The pain made him remember the past, but it made him want to cry and wash away his memories. How could people do this all the time, deal with such heartbreak? It was his first real one, and he felt like he would never get over it. Had it really only been two days since his house had been vacated by Steve? It felt like a lifetime ago.

* * *

_Four Days Ago_

_A loud sigh escaped through his lips, his feet carrying him in a soft pacing pattern through the middle of his bedroom. Every couple had their off days, he kept reminding himself. Besides, they were still working the kinks out of their relationship. It was new, after all, and neither male had been in this situation before. He hated fighting with Steve, even if it wasn't through yelling. The simple silence that had settled between them was enough to make him uneasy. "Steve, can we talk please?" His eyes darted to the male that was lying on his bed, his head hidden by the game machine in his hands. A few seconds passed while he waited, to no avail. Another sigh escaped his lips as he sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to lower the gaming system that was a wall between himself and his boyfriend today._

_"What do you want, Tango?" His eyes narrowed slightly at the very careful tone that the male used with him. It meant that they were getting nowhere, and that he wasn't likely to get a straight answer. A slight scowl came to his lips as he shifted, his legs crossing in front of him, his hands clasping together on his lap._

_"I want to talk. You've been avoiding me all day, and I want to know why." Yes, that was the best way to do it: straight to the point. Tango's eyes stayed on Steve as he simply shrugged before raising the gaming machine once more. He groaned slightly, falling back down onto the bed. He wouldn't say he was mad, but confused? Yes. He wanted to know what was wrong, if it had been something he had done. He was also annoyed. Didn't his partner know that he could talk to him about anything? There didn't need to be any secrets between them, none at all. _

_When the hand reached out, grabbing a hold of his folded ones, he turned his head slightly to look down at Steve. "It's nothing you did, Dave. I just have a lot in my mind I'm trying to work out right now. I love you; I'm just… lost in thought." He simply nodded. How could he argue with that? No, people did that, got lost in thought. Tango was still confused, still not sure that he was getting the entire true, but that was okay. It was a start. He gave Steve's hand a small squeeze, a soft, gentler breath leaving his lips. It would all be okay._

* * *

There they were ago, those tears that Tango hated to let fall. They were a sign of weakness in his eyes. Right now, though, it made sense. He was at the weakest point he had ever been before. He felt so vulnerable, and so lost, that it made his head dizzy. The fact that he was here made him feel like an idiot. He had let himself believe everything Steve had told him about "love" and how he felt about him. He had known since the very first text message, since that first kiss, that it was all too good to be true. He let himself dive in anyways; not wanting to believe that it would end badly. How could something that seemed so perfect end so badly? He had let his hopes get up… and had let his heart and soul dive into all the love he felt for the male. One thing was for sure, he had learned his lesson. Love wasn't worth this, worth all the pain and suffering. Nothing could be worth this.

He had given Steve everything he had inside of him. He had let the defensive walls he had built up be crumbled by the words the other spoke. Tango had let himself become an open book to him, and had given him all of his trust. God, how had he been so stupid? How had he let himself believe that someone, especially that man he had wanted for six months, could actually love him? A soft, almost hysterical laugh escaped through his lips. He didn't deserve this...Steve's love. He didn't deserve any of it; it had just taken him this long to realize that. He had let himself get so caught up in it all, that he forgot that the love of his life could do so much better. That's what he told himself, though. He wanted to hate himself, not Steve. He would never be able to hate Steve.

* * *

_Two Days Ago_

_"Steve, where are you going?" Tango leaned against the wall in the hallway, his eyes darting down by the front door where the packed bags were a beacon, constantly pulling his gaze to them. He was holding in the tears he felt building up, refusing to cry in front Steve. No matter what was happening, he couldn't look weak in front of his boyfriend. He had to be strong for him, no matter what he was going through. Yet, as he watched the male walk around him and back into the bedroom, he felt his resolve breaking._

_"Tango…" He winced as he heard his name uttered through those lips. Those damned lips that could, apparently, make him both feel like he was going through pure bliss, and dragged into the deepest pits of hell. Biting onto the insides of his cheeks, he glanced up as the footsteps stopped in front of him. "I love you. I never once lied about that, I promise you. But I can't do this anymore. It was nice, and I'll never forget it…but I feel like I'm leaving my old life behind, and I can't do that. Do you realize I haven't seen Sassy Lashes or Home Depot more than once this month? Grant and Jay can't keep taking care of them."_

_He knew that his boyfriend couldn't be expected to stay forever. He had two jobs back in Springfield, and his family and cats. He had a life he had to return to. So he simply nodded, his arms uncrossing from in front of him, reaching out to grab onto the hand he had become accustomed to. When it slipped from his grip, though, he felt that pang in his chest. "I love you, Tango. But I think we need to stop this, at least for now. We moved too fast, and I can't do it. I just can't. Look, you'll always be my best friend, and we'll still work at TAPS, but I think for a little while, we need to go back to how it was before." There it was again, that stab in the chest, only instead of a simple pang, it felt like someone had grabbed onto his heart and was squeezing. No. No, this couldn't be happening. _

_"Steve... Just tell me what I can do. We can slow down; you can go back to Springfield. But please… don't do this; don't tell me that it's just over. I love you, Steve" His words sounded pleading in his own mind as he took another step towards Steve, only to see him move back again. His arms once more crossed over his chest, using it as a protective shield._

_"Tango, don't. You're strong; you'll make it through this. You'll find someone better than me, and soon enough, you'll realize that you never wanted me. You were lonely, and I was your best friend. It's better that this happens now instead of years down the road. It will hurt so much more later on." Steve didn't wait for him to say anything this time. His chocolate eyes watched as his boyfriend walked down the hallway, grabbing a hold of his bags, before moving out of the door. Tango couldn't tell you how long he stood there before it finally hit him. An hour, at least, before he finally moved. He felt numb, but he knew he had to sit down before everything hit him. Moving forward, he slowly made his way into the spare bedroom, unable to stand going into the room he had shared with Steve every night. The door closed with a silent click behind him, sliding down the length of it to sit on the floor, his eyes unfocused, and staring off in front of him._

* * *

The silent sob rocked through Tango's body as he struggled to pull himself up. He had learned his lesson that was for sure. He knew better than to let his heart fall for someone else, and knew even better not to let it drag his entire being with it. Besides, he knew one more thing for sure: he would never love anyone like he loved Steve. And where had that gotten him? Alone in his house, with a broken heart, and a month of memories to make it hurt that much more. His feet carried him slowly into the kitchen, his hands numbly opening the fridge to grab another beer. It helped him, in a way. It made it where he didn't have to feel the aching in his chest for a while. Eventually, it would help him fall asleep, though that was hardly an escape. Dreaming about that first kiss didn't help him when he woke up.

Closing the fridge behind him, he held onto the counter, sitting down with his back against the cool door of it. He pulled his knees up to his chest, his forehead resting on the tops of them. It already felt like a familiar pattern, trying to make it through each day, and just succeeding. Maybe over time it would get better, but did he want it to? Did he want to forget the chills he got when he heard "I love you" whispered into his ear? Did he want to forget the goose bumps those kisses on his neck extracted onto his skin? Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head long enough to take a long drink from the beer bottle in his hand.

He didn't want to forget, but he hated to remember. It was a hard line to walk. It was also a line he knew he would ride until the very end, if it came down to it. The love for Steve would always be in his heart, and he knew he wouldn't be able to move on. As long as the man that had taken his heart with him when he left was happy, he would push himself through each day. He would go to his wedding when he found the right woman, and stay hidden in the shadows. He would watch the show that the man was part of and be happy with each new accomplishment he made. He would watch in the newspaper for news of a baby born under the Gonsalves name, and he would quietly celebrate his ex-partner's accomplishments. And the day he saw the name Steve Gonsalves name in the obituaries? He would quietly cry for the man he had loved and lost, and pray that when he passed away, they could find each other once more. It seemed like a pitiful existence, he knew that. Dave Tango also knew that when his love's life ended, his wouldn't be too far behind. They were combined in a way the other seemed to not notice. That was okay, though. As much as it hurt, he accepted that. He loved him, and one day… one day, he would hold in again. He just had to wait until he made it back to heaven.


End file.
